:: One Last Cry ::

And so it must end.
'I'm sort of with S,' he told me.
And the night suddenly became sulphur, yellow and toxic, choking off my heart beat. I almost couldn't breathe, but the impact was lost because I needed to smile.

You really needn't say 'sort of' - as though that would somehow lessen the pain, because it wouldn't. You really needn't say you're 'experimenting' - it may be true for you, but it doesn't sound fair. You really needn't feel bad, or guilty, or say you're sorry. Don't be. I'm glad that you have found someone else to make you happy. To listen, where I didn't. To fulfill, where I've failed. To love, where I've left. I appreciate your honesty, and I appreciate how you promise never to fade away. Thank you. It's been almost 8 years of companionship, from the time we first knew each other in the exurberance of our youth. We grew into each other, and we chased after a dream; it doesn't matter now that the dream is an echo shouted down the corridor of time, because I'll always have the memories of Sam and Jean, and that would suffice for now. Be good to yourself, and be better to her. I had my one last cry, and I now see the road to healing, stretching ahead to a new future that will displace the one we will never live to see.

***

T sat with me and we watched the waves crashed like the splinters of our broken hearts against the beach. The sky was old, tattered; the stars blinked feebly, fallen brillance amidst the indigo wisps of clouds. We laughed and cried together as our beer turned warm. We exhaled regret and inhaled smoke, and we promised each other to heal.

Now we are both
Soldiers,
Wounded but wiser,
Badged and scarred,
Armed but sated.
Your skin
My mask
Our metaphors,
Weak but thick with feeling,
Soar.
We have sung the swan song
Of our old loves,
Lingering notes, charred voices -
Our fingers touch
The invisble strength of the
Endless dawn.